I wanted to start sending out newsletters at the beginning of the year but the more that time grew closer, the more my life seemed to grow further from wanting to put any thoughts on paper. There’s never an ideal time to start anything but January lasting one million days felt like it’s own year in itself, so here we are in a new year beginning February 2024 and here is a fresh batch of newsletters, with a new look, coming your way.
Last year was nice and it was also trash. It was full of the best friends and moments I’ve ever experienced and brought down by the worst circumstances to come my way. But as this year began I took more time than ever to reflect on the things that I experienced and map out the things I want to be better at moving forward. I love a list more than anything, but I’m also trying to not get caught up in absolutes. It’s why I won’t do Dry January because forcing myself to live in parameters that could ultimately make me feel gross about breaking are just not my thing. Allowing myself space to take a break or just get a treat is a lot more helpful in the long run than being able to declare I slogged through 31 days of something.
For instance last year I spent a lot of time forcing myself to wake up two hours early so I could get a jumpstart on the day to read and write and play with my cats and maybe get a 4 mile run in and put those dishes away, but ultimately any time I did that, I was tired by 3pm and the rest of my day was sort of ruined. I’m learning that taking that extra hour of “sleeping in'' makes me so much more productive than rising at dawn. I’m less tired now and the dishes are still being put away and I’m still writing and reading and my cats toys are still scattered all over my apartment from playing fetch. I think that also ties in to trying to live in a collective standard, which is something I’m working on for a future newsletter, with how we all receive trends and of the moment lifestyles disseminating to a much larger audience than ever before with rapid turnover.
As I said last year was full of very Bad Things, but never once did I ever feel that I couldn’t survive those things because of the people who surrounded me during those times. When I had pink eye and couldn’t make a clothing swap, my friends went and spent their time there picking out clothes that I would like or thought would look fun on me and they nailed every single one. When my cat was sick or I got the news that my dad’s health is declining, my friends showed up and helped me host parties or get drinks or just simply and most importantly let me be sad. Each bad thing was met with a safety net which is why last year to me, was the best worst year I’ve ever had. Ending the year being faced with the possibility that this was my last holiday season with my dad was gut wrenching and I’m still processing it, but beginning this year solidly surrounded by a group of people who I know won’t abandon me has softened the blow like I never knew could exist.
Here are some of the good things that happened last year, that although running concurrent with the many valleys of my life, let me come up for air and be grateful for my dumb little life:
Worked on finally fixing the things in my apartment that either didn’t give me joy or was simply not working out- from new flatware to a rug and even ending the year by securing some armchairs for my living room at an insane deal.
Even though I stopped writing scripts last year (I don’t think I typed a single Int. or Ext.), I grew an understanding of who I am, the things I truly want in life and the person I want to be which in the long run is far more valuable than any writing accolade.
Finally felt my friendships become the type of friendships that are life long, and not just for the immediate.
Got to spend a lot of time with someone who has been like a brother to me over the last ten years in LA and got to see him grow deeper and deeper into being a Dad.
Have a group chat that hasn’t taken a single day off in almost two years. It consists of women all over the country (and now world) and really shows that time and distance means nothing when there’s some hot goss to share.
Created a consistent night time routine.
Decided to start looking for my birth family and actually (sort of) found them (take a breath, this is still ongoing).
Started getting my nails done because I needed a reminder that I can’t do everything.
Realizing how important it is to ask for help, even in the small things, and that there are people who will show up.
Decided to pick an airline and become loyal to them (hi delta).
Had the best work experiences of my life with the best people.
And most importantly, secured a contact with the Los Angeles Dodgers Sales team and will be seeing you from the left field party box, Shohei Ohtani.
I feel like if I published this newsletter at the appropriate time (plus or minus 5 days from January 1), I wouldn’t have the small hindsight of the handful of things I’ve already experienced in 2024. January was filled with the dread of seeing my parent’s phone number light up my phone because of what it could ultimately entail, my cat already spending one overnight at the emergency vet spending my savings account, and famously I got into a Car Accident.
All these things plus a few other revelations would have killed me just two years ago, but now I am somehow able to hold my head up (well the car accident’s whiplash has made that increasingly harder) but I don’t feel as if I’m in a freefall and there is still hope in the air somehow.
And finally it wouldn’t be a new year list at the beginning of February without some things that I am trying to work on this year. Again, not holding myself to being strict about seeing all these through perfectly but a handful of things that I’m just trying to be better at!
Investing in my current things rather than buying new things- being more mindful about mending than replacing.
Writing this damn thing every week! hehe
Maybe finally opening Final Draft after my year hiatus.
Continuing to build on my friendships.
Therapy :)
Continue as much as I can my little trips to New York.
Read more books, read more online essays, read more in general.
Be better about points and credit card stuff.
Take two extra seconds for anything I do, putting away my credit card, throwing things in my purse, ripping off a shirt or hair tie.
I’ll be putting out more content this year and even have an audio newsletter in the works. I’m excited to tackle writing again but mostly I am just excited for baseball season to start so I can ultimately become a Dodger nightmare even more.
