A fews times in the last week I was convinced, yet again, that we live in a simulation. One with some friends that involved some people seeing a toothpick and others not, and one where I read a word for the first time then immediately saw it used again. It also happened in the summer when I was in New York towards the end of my trip and was missing LA and ready to go home. I was walking down the street and thought “all I want right now is to smell jasmine” and a few blocks later, jasmine she smelled. I had not seen or smelled jasmine the entire two weeks I was away from LA so this glitch in the simulation really stood out.
That simulation feeling also happens whenever I happen to notice a certain place or building and then suddenly someone asks to meet me there. It’s an eerie feeling and it’s only strengthened by my TikTok algorithm convincing me of its existence by a teenager at 1am.
The strongest case I have for the existence of the simulation is from late summer of 2008. I was a senior in college and had just moved into a new apartment with one of my best friends from back home. We decorated the apartment with Urban Outfitters sale items and anything free we found roadside. We were both very broke but extremely resourceful. We were excited to make our home cute and to most of all make it a place to host our friends.
When people ask me why I went to a Christian college, one of the main reasons I give them (other than the fact I was able to secure an almost free education) is that all my friends went to that college. I had a very tight knit friend group that began in middle school youth group. High school grew this youth group friendship closer and the pipeline for Assemblies of God kids had us go from church to college together. In one of my early acts of Christian rebellion, I decided to stray from the A/G way and attend a Baptist college in Alabama. I lasted one year until my pastor’s wife cornered me in her office with the vice president of the A/G college on the phone promising scholarships and admission if I decided to stay on the Pentecostal education course. I obliged because I knew at least I would be with my friend group and one crush.
So three years later, there we all were in Central Florida either attending the college or working nearby. It was comforting having this kind of security because we all felt like family. So when my friend was able to move in with me for the semester, our family was once again reunited and our dynamic was set free outside the confines of a Ft. Lauderdale mega church.
When my friend moved in we decided that instead of a dining room table in our dining area, we should of course get a… pool table. We were young! We were college! And we wanted boys to want to come over. Since we were broke I immediately fired up craigslist to see about any free or cheap pool tables. Now at this point my faith was beginning to crumble but you could have brought me straight back to the altar because the very first post on craigslist was for a free pool table. I yelled to my friend and we immediately thought it was fate, even though we lived on the second floor and with the narrowest staircase. A staircase that was so narrow it barely fit my chair (which I wrote about in this newsletter… a lot of core memories with furniture and that apartment.)
I remember calling my friend Fabe, who has always been like an older brother to me, to help with getting the free pool table into our second floor residence. He’s like an older brother to me which means he never spares any of my feelings. The first thing out of his mouth was “Is this wood or slate? Cause if it’s slate there ain’t no freaking way” (2022 Fabe would sub fucking for freaking but we were good Christian kids).
I looked at my friend who assured me it was wood. “It’s definitely wood!” I fired back. He asked one more time, “Beth, is this wood or slate you have to be sure” and I definitively told him it was wood while I squinted one eye at the craigslist ad picture looking at… wood? He agreed to do it and I did my best to assure him it would be easy grab and we would all be playing pool by nightfall.
We decided we needed to get a U-Haul so we packed into my car with two other friends on our way to get one U-Haul and one free wood pool table. The other friends also lived with Fabe and the three guys decided to use this car time to convince me and my friend that the pool table should actually go to them. Their arguments were valid- there were no stairs involved at their place and we mostly spent our time there anyway. And they lived in a big house, compared to our small two bedroom apartment. We argued all the way to U-Haul about who would get ownership and they didn’t let their guard down till we got to the house where the pool table lived.
We got out of the U-Haul and were immediately ushered to the back of the house by the owner of the pool table. There we were in his backyard with the free pool table that was covered in spider webs and was absolutely a slate 500 pound pool table. Fabe with death in his eyes said nothing and walked right back to the U-haul leaving us all staring at each other wondering who would make the first move on the slate pool table. My friend and I tried our best to alleviate the situation saying it’s okay! We can do this! We made it through church camp we can surely make it through anything! Right! Hey maybe you guys can actually have it at your house?
The pool table was so heavy that even with all five of us, we couldn’t pick it up to walk it over to the U-Haul. Instead we sort of pushed it towards the U-Haul, letting it roll side by side onto the Central Florida dirt till we could properly secure it in the van. Once in the U-Haul, we all sat quietly for the first few miles scared to break the silence. What was once “let us keep this thing!” was now “how the hell are we gonna get rid of this.” The boys had planned a party at their place that night so we decided to park the pool table there until we could figure out some kind of plan. We also didn’t have enough money to keep driving the U-Haul because at that time it was pay by the mile.
So now the pressure was on. The boys had their party starting soon and we had this U-Haul with a 500 pound pool table stuck inside housing at least five different kinds of spiders. The boys were mad at us, rightfully so, and we were trying to figure out a solution before people started showing up. Again since we all grew up together, it devolved into us yelling at each other for what we got ourselves into and for the first time I thought this might actually be the thing that breaks this friend group. We lived in a city called Lakeland and thought maybe we could put the namesake to use and throw it in one of the various lakes. Or set it on fire. Both great (terrible) hypotheses for college kids in their early twenties. To be honest, we didn’t even know how we would get it out of the U-Haul, let alone give it a viking burial in Lake Hollingsworth. Soon Fabe got so mad he left to take the trash out, leaving the rest of us behind to figure it out. No one was laughing or excited for the party to happen in a few hours. It was just silent.
And now for the simulation. This is the part of the story that began my belief that someone is running a computer program on my life and got lazy that day. Fabe was gone for a long time. A little too long. We peeked out the window to see where he was and saw that the back of the U-Haul was open and he was standing in there with another man. We all went outside to see what the deal was and apparently, this random man was walking by and stopped to ask Fabe what was going on with the U-Haul. Fabe told him about our journey with this slate pool table and how we didn’t know what to do with it. Then this man. This angel? Or probably devil. Who knows! But this man replied to Fabian with “I actually collect pool tables, can I see it?”
We were stunned, shaken. The matrix is real and we figured it out in Polk county Florida, headquarters to famed grocery chain Publix. Out of anyone to walk by the house it was this pool table collecting devil god. We were so tired and worn out that we agreed to give him the pool table for the cost of the U-Haul (which was $93 and yes later on we would find out we could have easily gotten $500 or more for it). We told him we would meet him downtown at his pool table store the next morning for the drop off. It was finally all coming together in time for this Christian college party to start.
The next morning me, my friend and one other guy came with us to drop off the pool table (Fabe declined). We met the pool table man who told us we needed to get the pool table into an elevator to take down in to a basement, which there is no such thing as a basement in Florida so we thought maybe this guy actually wants to kill us. Luckily, our friend was very tall and very strong and built like a bodyguard so we weren’t too scared. The man offered hot dogs to some random people for their manpower to get the pool table off the U-Haul and into the elevator and then me, my two friends and the man rode the pool table down into the only Florida basement in existence and yes it was was filled to the brim with pool tables. Wall to wall pool tables. This happened over 13 years ago so my memory might be a little faded at this point but I swear some of them were stacked on top of each other.
Anyway the pool table is gone, but the simulation is still strong. Is someone out there running my life? How is it such a coincidence that our biggest problem was getting rid of a pool table and a man who buys and sells pool tables walks by? Over a decade later and I have yet to meet another pool table salesman. Was this a glitch worth noting? Or just a random sequence of events. Maybe God is real? Should I go back to church? Nah.
In What Is Simulation Theory? Are We Living in a Computer Simulation?, it mentions the theoretical physicist David Bohm who once said this and makes me believe that the pool table was more than a reality coincidence.
Reality is what we take to be true. What we take to be true is what we believe. What we believe is based upon our perceptions. What we perceive depends on what we look for. What we look for depends on what we think. What we think depends on what we perceive. What we perceive determines what we believe. What we believe determines what we take to be true. What we take to be true is our reality.
Once every few weeks I think about the person I am who is living in the non Covid simulation. Did her timeline finally sell a pilot? Did her apartment get a deck built even though quarantine never happened? Did she finally clean out that closet by her kitchen? Are Penny and Nora still a pound overweight? I hope she caught on to the skincare routine I’m currently using cause my skin is looking better than ever. I also hope she found her way to living in Brooklyn for 6 weeks and hooking up with a French Canadian investment banker. I wonder if she thinks about the simulation and jumping timelines as much as I do since she isn’t sticking q-tips up her nose to make sure she doesn’t have a highly infectious disease. I also hope she has grown as much as I have over these last two years and finally said yes to linen sheets.
And to whoever is running the simulation and all these timelines- kindly, fuck off.
re: what’s going on
I got new running shoes this week and yes a new pair of shoes can save your (plantar fasciitis) life. I run in Hoka’s and at first I didn’t like the pair I got last year, but this pair is really doing it for me.
I watched Big Night for the first time and it’s now one of my favorite movies. Give me all the Stanley Tucci and Italy content while I drink an Aperol spritz please.
This is my favorite TikTok this week. This is all I have right now.
One last note if you made it this far- I am thinking of introducing a paid subscription model for this newsletter. It would still mostly be free with some bonus newsletters (and maybe some other content) behind a paywall. Is this nuts? I don’t know! Would you pay $5/mo for a newsletter that loves to hide in your promotions tab? I still want to keep this as free as possible because I still use it as a way to expand my writing and would probably still make it free for anyone who can’t afford. Not sure what I’m saying here other than- what are your thoughts on paying for newsletters?
Ok that is really it! See ya in two weeks :)